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ennui

I'm in a funk.

I had been thinking of vacationing in Japan at the end of this year, partially with aitai, but it's proving to be a difficult time of year to visit if you aren't staying at someone's home, with businesses either closed or charging extra and transport crowded with people traveling to and from their hometowns. It could be a blast—at the very least it would give me something to do over New Year's, when I tend to feel especially lonely. But the practical side of me is leery of spending all my vacation days at work and money that I could otherwise spend on, say, a car to replace my increasingly-failing one. I just don't know, and I'm having a hard time deciding one way or the other.

Work is okay. I've been attending to things like this flight software upgrade and working predictable but erratic hours. (I'm not sure if I'll be able to make it to the Renaissance Festival this year if I don't want to go alone.) I'll be working at least one shift in support of MESSENGER's upcoming second Mercury flyby. One of my co-workers just had a baby, and I made this space-themed baby quilt for her.

Aside from tea ceremony classes, I'm not taking any sort of classes these days; perhaps that's contributing to or a result of my ennui. I would certainly benefit from more physical activity, if I could just commit to something.

The once-regular movie nights with friends are getting less and less frequent, and living out here in the suburbs feels somewhat isolated. I'd be hard-pressed to give up the thirteen-minute commute, but it would be nice if I could walk to a corner store or a bar or restaurant, catch the Metro without a significant drive, and be closer to a vibrant street and cultural life.

I'm not sure how to get out of this funk. Something about my life needs to change. Probably multiple things do. Where I'll get the energy or confidence to figure it out, I don't know.

Comments

( 20 comments — Leave a comment )
thewronghands
Sep. 18th, 2008 01:05 am (UTC)
I'm down for tea if you'd like to go explore some of the tea rooms in Baltimore, but I won't be home and free until October. (LOTS of travel yet to come.)
radhardened
Sep. 18th, 2008 03:11 pm (UTC)
Thanks - I would like to do that when you're back in town.
aitai
Sep. 18th, 2008 01:33 am (UTC)
sorry things are getting you down =( *hugs*
i understand if japan ends up being something you can't do although it would have been very fun to site see with you.
i guess let me know what you decide after thinking about it. i'm meeting with my travel agent on friday morning and possibly booking flights around then. i haven't reserved our room in kyoto or tokyo yet, so i'll adjust my travel accomodations contingent upon your decision.
radhardened
Sep. 23rd, 2008 01:32 pm (UTC)
So, I think I'm deciding to forgo the trip after all. I'm sorry! I think it just isn't good timing for me.

The upside is, I think that frees me up budget- and vacation-wise to come to your recital in November. Are there any other folks coming from my area? If so, maybe we could make it a road trip. If not, I can fly into Bloomington/Normal.
fireba11
Sep. 18th, 2008 01:56 am (UTC)
That baby quilt is adorable.

I'm up in MD at least 2-3 days a week, to visit with grandma, take her out to the store, and have dinner. Let me know, and after visiting my grandma for dinner, I would love to meet up some time. You've still got my phone #, right?

Also... tvresq and I are trying to get out to Renfest, maybe this Saturday. If we do, do you wanna' come along? Actually, we'd probably just meet-up out there (coming from opposite sides of the Beltway and all), but I'd love to hang out with you there too.

ovrclokd
Sep. 18th, 2008 02:24 am (UTC)
sorry about the vacation dilemma - it definitely sounds like a tough call. maybe go at another time of year when the expenses and logistics are easier? which doesn't address what to do for new year's, i realize...

the space-quilt is made of awesome. :)

i wish i lived close enough to socialize; if i get up there for work any time soon, i'll ping you!

i get the doldrums in my life every so often - less so now that i'm traveling madly, just because i don't seem to have the time, but they do come. sometimes if i can stop obsessing about it and try to get myself into a receptive state (embarassingly, i think of this as similar to the calm-submissive energy that cesar milan tries to evoke in dogs), the universe will bring something interesting to me... hopefully you'll find an answer soon, or one will find you. *hug*
elwing2000
Sep. 18th, 2008 04:41 am (UTC)
We keep trying for movie night :) Now we're *all* out in the suburbs and finding a place and time is increasingly difficult. I'm all for just stating Movie night will be X, if people can make it, cool, if not, we'll see them next week - however, our house isn't exactly a weekday travel destination :(
(Deleted comment)
chibivesicle
Sep. 18th, 2008 01:00 pm (UTC)
Easy physical activities
Well maybe not super easy but I've been trying to get my physical activities up so that I'm not drowning in work or obsessing about research all the time.

I've started up yoga once a week and I've really noticed a difference; it really helps me not think about things and just de-spazz.

I'm also enjoying curling and may be participating in a league this fall where it is a lot of fun and you get out there but you aren't gonna kill yourself doing it.

So yeah look up something that you can get into.
kmhoofnagle
Sep. 18th, 2008 02:18 pm (UTC)
FWIF for me, the answer to the funk almost always begins with exercise. If I can just make myself do a little yoga or at least walk a mile or two, I feel sufficiently lifted via endorphins to deal with the other things that are wrong.

Anyhow, hang in there.
k
weered1
Sep. 18th, 2008 02:40 pm (UTC)
We're going to RenFest on Sunday Oct 12...would you like to join us?
radhardened
Sep. 18th, 2008 03:06 pm (UTC)
Thanks for the invitation. That's the day I'll be helping put on a tea ceremony event at Hillwood, so I'll be tied up all day. Otherwise I'd certainly join you!
weered1
Sep. 18th, 2008 03:08 pm (UTC)
Ooh nice... we just went to Hillwood for the first time :)
jmsa
Sep. 23rd, 2008 07:31 pm (UTC)
If you still would like to travel you are welcome to stay at our house for a fraction of the costs. Free room board and transportation. I make no guarantees about not going into labor though. I know how lonely the holidays can be-- it's not my greatest time of the year either. Double whammy barawn is probably going to out of the country for Turkey Day. :(
Look at the upside of things-- you are still within relatively close distances of everyone without being half a day behind people.
I really wish I had more time to have visited with earlier this month. :(
radhardened
Sep. 24th, 2008 03:25 pm (UTC)
Hmmm, you know, maybe I could. Could you remind me when you're due?
jmsa
Sep. 25th, 2008 02:48 am (UTC)
I'm do January 10th.
(Anonymous)
Sep. 25th, 2008 08:01 am (UTC)
Japan?
So, have you decided on Japan?
I enjoyed reading your blog.
From Nara,
Dave
radhardened
Sep. 25th, 2008 06:21 pm (UTC)
Re: Japan?
I have decided that I won't try visiting Japan over New Year's this year; the timing is just too difficult for me. I might plan a visit for next year or the following year, though.

What do you do in Nara, Dave?
(Anonymous)
Sep. 25th, 2008 07:44 pm (UTC)
Re: Japan?
I wear a couple of hats. The main one is as a potter. I have a climbing kiln. I also am very interested in Japanese antiques, tea, and culture.
Have you visited here in the spring?
Dave
radhardened
Oct. 23rd, 2008 11:47 am (UTC)
Re: Japan?
I haven't had the pleasure of visiting Japan in the spring; my previous visits have been in the mid-May to mid-June range.
( 20 comments — Leave a comment )